some things im excited about

yes youtube links work.

This is a great example of me.





Watch 4 or 5 times below in order to get the full effect

CORRECTION

CORRECTION:

I already took a jewish girl on a date once. IT WAS GREAT! HER NAME IS "sensitive information".

why scratching works

you itch, so you scratch it.

so many hours banking, definitely a lot of fun. trying to figure out if this is the life for me. I definitely enjoy the business side of it, but I can't help but wonder if 25 years will go be extremely fast, and then suddenly im rich and 46, and not really sure what it was like to be a young adult.

i really don't know what that looks like. i'm looking for a community of people. i want people who think about things in a comprehensive way, that cares about each other, that has grooves and idiosyncracies that I can touch and understand. very much like where I live now (in philly)

I guess I get a rush out of things I can't explain. People who defy their nature, and people who defy me. I sometimes wonder why people don't pick up on the patterns in other people, and then I realize that people don't think that way and I realize that I'm basically over-analytical to the point where I don't really live, I just find the category for the person I meet and move on. I'm like a very small science experiment, existing in your life only for a short while in order to get your ratings, understand your experience, and then digest.

my friend emily understands. it cost her a lot though. she lives out of a travel bag, and has never spent more than 2 years in one place. she's too old for her age, can't function at times in normal situations, and can't make permanent connections with people. the price of social knowledge is really detrimental to your health.

my mom just told me i can date a jewish girl if i want. this is monumental. of course she's probably joking, but man, I think I might take a jewish girl on a date.

i hear hundreds of songs in my head that really are beautiful, if i could only write them down. it's agonizing sometimes, when it's the middle of the day, and melody comes around the corner like the ride that you were waiting for to pick you up, and you can't get in. stupid work.

i might take a few years to write music and perform around america or europe. I definitely will be performing in my house this next year, doing the good Lord knows what. I've started to make the list of songs I will be performing my heart out to. They are going to be sheer awesomeness, from top to bottom.

nothing i really do is good enough for me, which kind of sucks.

i did take first at a debate meet in north dakota though in high school, and it was because I worked at it. I also work a lot at helping people. when it comes to helping people, there's nothing i'd rather do than haul large stones, chip paint, clean up trash, and do various manual labor tasks. i'd say my work ethic is best when its for someone i don't know that is in need.

i'd want someone to read this and see that i'm really not just a person talking about myself, but even deeper i really just a person talking about myself. which really begs the question, right? we are all completely selfish, down to the core. Winston and Julia from 1984 know what I'm talking about. The movie was very well done, I much liked it. The lead, who reminds me so thoroughly of ian mckellen, does a very convincing job of... everything. so selfishness, yeah? how do you ever really care about someone else? I feel like Josh V does. He's probably the only one though. Be honest, if you know Josh you probably agree with me. So I'm learning. I still don't really think I get it though, because I always somehow end up creeping back in on the caring and concerning myself for what is best with the other person bit.

i don't know if i'll be okay. we'll see if i will.

i miss margot in germany, and josh and matt out on the west coast, and austy out in fargo. they should all be in new york right now.

did i mention i'm not a fan of "going out"? why the @#$% am I going to go pay $100+ to drink some drinks that cost $0.80 to make and maybe yell at someone I don't know or even one of my friends in a hot, crowded area. who the @#$% used marketing to get the masses to like this @#$%?

okay wow, that was a little rampant. not much of a fan of those curses, but i mean are you serious? I feel like I'm missing out if I don't "go out" on the weekends, because every single person in new york does that. thank God union square still has people that understand that this isn't the case.

definitely have done thinking about God these past couple months. stuff hasn't been too easy.

i really do like myself. is that okay?

july? how?

amidst many hours of banking and going out on the weekend with coworkers, i've not a clue on how I'm suriving.

union square has been good to me. bboys, and the failing banker, and the strange community that's formed out of complete nothingness.

i saw August Osage county on broadway last week. It was amazing. I won't detail out the plot for you besides the basics, because the unfolding is so enjoyable. However, it's about a degenerate Southern family sometime in the last fifteen years or so, going through an extremely difficult time.

What really makes the play so good is the character development and how believable the characters are as they interact with each other. I found myself completely under the power of their interactions as I watched, and could not contain myself as I slid closer and closer to the events happening on stage. this play doesn't need music.

I also saw Spring Awakening on broadway. It was also performed very well, but the song lyrics and treatment of the issues presented in the story was not nearly what I had hoped for. I was expecting a very in-depth look at some of the very pressing issues of our current society, taken from using a play that's over one hundred years old. Instead, what I found was a extremely shiny, neatly packaged present that was exciting, fast, and had about the same capacity to fill me as a sparkler does on the fourth of July.

I love sparklers, but they are so easy! In the same way, this play did not really offer too much for me. The scenes were perfectly executed, no doubt, but characters that experience intense hardship essentially experience all of it in the 3 minutes before and the 3 minutes during their pop rock song. The cast were ridiculous singers and performers. Alexandra Socha is gorgeous (in love, if you see her let her know), and did a great job, as well as Kyle what'shisface as Melkior. However the play itself just left a good amount to be desired for me. Perhaps it tried to be too much, from completely accessible, to always-interesting, to ridiculous amounts of comic relief, to this revival of some old play to become some new hit thing, to incredibly emotional in every end of the spectrum, from repression, opression, growing up, raising kids, the question of acceptance, true love, and friendship, it really just felt like Spring Awakening tried to be everything.

Not to say that it didn't do some of those things pretty well.

I can definitely see why it won the Tony(s?) however. Pop culture will eat that @#$% up.

everyone needs to listen to mewithoutYou, plus/minus, and Bjork.



oh and i'm looking for true love. if you know anyone who's also looking for that, and happens to be a hetero female, let me know!

thanks

jordie the horse that loves to be patted.

content-climax

there's a loneliness that coats the days
a thin film, worked with dirt and
city muck, spread between the bricks
holding up the subway rails

my feet drag behind -- it's not quite walking
more like floating and never touching
but i'm already ahead of where i am so
i can never really be

the trick of the trade is touch points
carnival monstronsities
or a rating system of sexual encounters
or face to face chance happenings

like a series of anchors
or a hundred blind humans holding hands
tripping and falling and breaking their teeth
and getting up to smile at each other